Its a sick world.

So I tanked the network on my way home, big deal.

BSOD? OK that was fun.

Still, that's marginally satisfying AT BEST. No, I think something more dramatic is in order to satisfy the sleeping sadist I keep hidden under my tiny black heart.

Mr. Sensitive ears is just not himself lately. Well, he is himself if that is an unconscionable ball-busting bastard; to that end he is a RAGING SUCCESS. What I mean is that he is not.............."happy". Not happy like you and I getting told there are strippers in the break room, no nothing so dramatic. Happy for him: moody, gloomy, sitting quietly at his desk making people miserable via e-mail, over the phone and other chicken-shit means.

I think the guy just needs some sunshine and fresh air.

How do you make someone like this, sitting atop his throne of suffering, go get fresh air?

The thought had crossed my mind to have his car towed, but that's so temporary.

Well fear not and wonder no more, because I figured it out: He needs a smoke break.

Yes, he is a smoker. He used to have a personal rule that he would not smoke at work. Then I started working for him and VOILA, smoking at work; 2 to 3 times per day actually. I quite honestly don't see the correlation between supervising someone like me and craving nicotine, but never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Back to the strategy: How to get those breaks to "multiply" (all for his benefit of course). Well I started thinking, everyone is some level of "sick" with the low temps these days so, there is obviously a virus of some sort making the rounds.

A VIRUS. Not a computer virus, but the good old fashioned kind that used to wipe out civilizations. So follow my logic here: a virus makes people sick, my boss makes me sick, a virus starts out as an annoyance, just like coughing is an annoyance for my boss, you get rid of a virus by making your bloodstream inhospitable and the virus leaves or dies. Well, I doubt he will die, but I think I have my answer:

Make his area inhospitable, just like kicking out a virus! The subtle level of coughing, sneezing, throat clearing, flem ejecting, nose blowing was just not cutting it. So I decided to rope in two more co-conspirators and we began our bodily functions holiday parade! I elected to start with throat clearing every 30 secs, this other dude decided upon a nice holiday "coughing fit" once every minute or so, and the last dude elected to stop blowing his nose and just sniff the mucus in and out repeatedly. (I am laughing as I write this) believe it or not it was timed like a symphony and not obvious. I was proud of our mucus recital.

Sure enough the groundhog made his appearance ALL KINDS of PISSED and stormed out for a cig.

YAY! He is getting fresh air!

This was so successful that he left and did not return.

SEE! I knew that all he needed was a snoot full of that crisp winter air and he would see that it was a great day after all!

Yeah.

Well..... there is an outcome when you are stressed: You make stupid judgements.

For example: what if I park my car wherever the HELL I feel? It's "kinda" out in the road, but those drivers can eat my ass! The whole world and sick people and noisy people can eat my ass!

Well they didn't eat his rectum, but they wrecked into his car door.

You can't make this shit up.

Pictures tomorrow. (if he drives it in)